Not Coping With Newborn Twins

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Not Coping With Newborn Twins

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Not Coping With Newborn Twins.

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Congratulations on having twins,it really is hard work and people with singletons dont realise that what works for one baby doesnt work for twins, you must find a routine that suits you and stick to it.

Try the tamba site, they are good and it helps you realise you are not the only one out there struggling with twins! Have you tried your local college? they might have nursery nurse students who need a placement and could help you out! or try Homestart, I think they have volunteers who can help you out! Good luck with your babies and enjoy them they grow up too quickly!!!

Hi Clare,Welcome and congratulations on your twins. I had mine just over 3 months ago (Neve and Finlay) and totally sympathise with how you are feeling. Firstly, you are not doing anything wrong, your babies sound happy and healthy and just getting through the first 2 months with twins is like being hit by a train.

You do what you have to, and don’t compare your style with mums of singletons, it is completely different having twins. Anyone who has had 2 babies kick off at the same time when you’ve had no sleep will agree.

Mine are only now just getting into a routine and I have help from hubby, though some days I am on my own for up to 18 hours. I kept a feeding chart from day one and looking back to when mine were the same age as yours they were also feeding at the same rate.

Eventually, the feeds will stretch out, but unfortunately not always both together! I sometimes would also let mine sleep longer at that age if that is what I needed. As long as this isn’t that often and they are gaining sufficient weight I think it’s for your own sanity! Have you looked at www. This is a site for parents of multiples. You can read the message boards, but if you want to reply you have to join, £36 per year. You get regular magazines and have access to lots of specialist information.

I have found it invaluable and would highly recommend it. I obviously love netmums as well but tamba is more specific. Keep going, you’re doing fantastically, especially without help. Look on tamba for your local twins group, getting out is essential.

Keep your chin up and remember you are a special mummy as you had 2! Love SJx

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I have twin girls, now 4 years old and I definately agree with the feeding at the same time. Also I had to bouncy feeding chairs from when they were born. I sat in the middle of them and fed them – would not have been without them.

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vicky – love the bath and bottle suggestion particularly as they love bath time. Am trying not to rush off to try that right now! jenny – also interested in your suggestion of a nursery nurse placement but i am very very protective over the babes and not sure i could accept help from a stranger – lets see how long i last!By the way, my little girl was 4.

4lb and is called Connie. My little boy was 6lb2 and is called Lachlan (scotish after his daddy). He lost loads of weight and is not yet back up to birth weight but Connie has a good appetite and is piling it on fast! Bless.

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Have you thought about expressing your milk and bottle feeding. That way others can help. Definatly feed at the same time, it makes things so much easier I didn’t have bouncy chairs, i used their car seats and rocked them in them.

I have another suggestion…..babies seem to like the white noise sound….try recording the hoover or washing machine and when they won’t settle play it on a low volume…it works a treat My boys are just 5 and at birth were 3lb 5 and 3lb 10 It does get easier .

…I promise

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Hi Claire, Not much advice for you but wanted to offer my congratulations on the birth of your twins. It sounds like you are doing a great job! Hope someone comes along soon who can offer you some constructive feedback.Jayne

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Thank you all for your replies – its so good to hear from other mums! SJ and Vicky – so glad to hear that you found things similar to me with two! And Vicky – thanks for thinking of me, I actually tried to find your details when I posted this but couldnt so great you responded.

I did have a section but it ended up totally unplanned and was in fact a crash section under general anesthetic because I developed pre-eclampsia and then a blood clot ta-boot! I went from being crippled in pain to having had the babies in 15 mins flat!! I didnt see them for several hours after and it was all pretty dreadful followed by a week in hospital afterwards.

Thankfully that is now history and I have all these new challenges to distract me! Will keep trying to get through the nights….but will hold you to them getting better !! If in the meantime you think of any more hot tips – do let me know

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hiya hun,congrats!!i was just thinking about you the other day and wondering how you’d gone on…did you have a section in the end? i’d say if your babies want to sleep through a feed then you should let them as you need your rest!they will soon let you know if they are hungry.

our twins used to wake up alternate hours and then feed for an hour each so we werent actually getting any kip in the early days…just hang in there, things will get better!cant actually give you any advice on breast feeding as ours were bottle fed.

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Also, it does get easier. We have a very rough first 3 months, but they were both sleeping through from about 11-12 weeks. They are now the best of friends and I would not be without them. It is definately worth the sleepness nights of the 1st few months!!

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This is definately the best advice you can ever give a mum of twins, especially when doing the night time feeds – it took me a while to figure this out, but it really is the best thing to do and makes life easier and gives you a bit more time between feeding.

Good luck to all you new twin mummies, it does get easier, I promise. xx

is it possible that you can get your babies into a very early routine?we found this helped enormously!a warm bath and then a bottle.oh and make sure the room is really dark so they know its gives you something to aim for everyday and you know you will probably getting a bit of me time. was the only thing that gave me any sanity…i struggled enormously with my twins at first, i dont see how twin mums can say its easy!!!our twins also slept top to toe in the same cot and they seemed to get some comfort off this. what did they weigh and what did you call them??

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Although the heavy demands of caring for multiples makes parents especially susceptible to stress. there are measures that can help to reduce the strains of double duty. “I Sometimes I feel like screaming!”.

“Some days I feel like throwing my babies away.” Comments like these are distress signals from frantic mothers of twins. While they may not always feel this way. these mothers have something in common: they are suffering from stress.

Following are some suggestions that may help you recognize and cope with the physical. emotional. environmental and financial pressures of raising multiples.What is Stress ?First. just what is stress? The physical.

mental and emotional strain or tension that we call stress is the body and mind’s way of telling us that we’re overloading our coping mechanisms. The mothers quoted above feel overwhelmed. They may have enough energy and nurturing love to give to one baby.

but splitting it among two. three. four or more is more than they can cope with. and they react with a fairly typical “fight or flight” response-they get angry. or they want to escape from the source of stress.

their babies. They love their babies. but at the times they hate them. too. and these conflicting emotions contribute further to the stress they’re feeling. For instance. the mother who “feels like throwing her babies away” may really be longing for release from the overwhelming demands of caring for the babies and feeling resentful that her efforts are unappreciated.

So. in addition to being physically exhausted. these women may be emotionally drained from feelings of anger. frustration. sadness. guilt. depression or self-pity.Though fathers may not express their emotions as readily as mothers.

they too may be suffering from stress. It’s common for fathers of multiples to feel neglected. somewhat jealous of the attention showered on the babies. and pressured by the extra financial demands. They may.

however. be able to escape these stresses in a way their wives cannot-by spending extra hours at their workplace. Unfortunately. this places even more demands on their wives. who need their co-operation and help at home more than ever.

Whatever the specific cause or response to stress. both parents often experience sinking energy and lowered self-esteem. which make stress doubly difficult to dispel. But as negative as all these reactions may seem.

it’s very important to realize that they are normal responses to the stress of caring for twins and other multiples. And it’s equally important to develop positive coping skills to lighten your double load.

Physical StressIn the early weeks and months. a major cause of physical stress among parents of multiples may be lack of sleep and exercise. and irregular meals. Even with sufficient time to rest. handling an around-the-clock cycle of feeding and changing babies and doing laundry is hard enough.

especially if there are other siblings to care for. But trying to do all this while you’re deprived of your own physical needs is like losing the oil-drain plug on your car at 60 mph everything comes-to a screeching halt!While there are no magic remedies for the physical stress of caring for multiples.

especially newborns. a first necessity is finding help. Don’t be afraid to ask relatives and friends or regular baby-sitters to provide relief. If you are a single parent. you might discover some resources by reaching out to your community services.

Remember that it will be easier for anyone to help you if you suggest specific tasks. such as feeding or bathing one of the babies. taking them out for a stroll. shopping. cleaning the kitchen. or preparing a meal.

Other helpful coping techniques include taking naps when getting a full nights sleep seems impossible. or eating small. more frequent meals when there’s no time to prepare a full meal. Although resting when the children are napping may mean sacrificing the satisfaction of “getting things done” you’ll be rewarded with renewed energy.

And it is possible to maintain good nutrition with frequent snacks of cheese. raw vegetables and fruits. whole grain sandwiches. eggs or soup. Just don’t fall into the trap of relying on coffee. cola and junk foods high in sugar and fat to keep yourself going.

Adequate vitamin intake. especially of the B-complex vitamins. has been linked to stress reduction. but beware of substituting supplements for balanced nutrition.Physical exercise may not appeal to you when you’re exhausted.

but regular activities such as a walking. jogging. stretching. yoga. swimming. bicycling and aerobics can actually be energizing. Meditation also can reduce stress and increase your energy level. Whatever you choose.

make it something you enjoy. rather than just one more obligation. and try to keep the emphasis on relaxation and realistic expectations. Then make a “sacred” time for that activity on a daily or weekly basis.

With appropriate exercise. you may find your sleep and appetite improving as well as your energy level.Emotional IssuesPhysical exhaustion often translates into emotional stress. When parents feel depleted but children’s demands are on-going.

depression. irritability. and a sense of inadequacy are common responses. The mother of twins who says. “I’d feel great if only I could get out or get some sleep.” will probably feel the emotional doldrums lifting when her physical needs are met.

But sometimes the stress of caring for multiples can call into question emotional issues that run deeper. If parents assume they should always feel boundless “natural” or “instinctive” love. they may experience self-doubt when the demands of young children exceed their emotional supply.

according to a counsellor who works with mothers of twins. She says it’s not unusual for parents of multiples in this situation to experience a guilt-laden secret wish for a single child instead.The mother whose self-image is modeled on Superwoman may also be a high-stress candidate.

The Supermum of television advertising may be able to handle all crises perfectly at all times. but such expectations in real life are usually a recipe for disaster. especially with multiples. When the demands of twins upset fixed schedules and efficiency.

a “Supermum” may find herself resenting her children for “sabotaging” her best-laid plans. If her idea of being a good mother means always being well-organised and in control. loosening her grip may seem like losing a precious part of herself.

Adjusting unrealistic expectations to fit reality can help ease such emotional stresses as the ones just described. While to acknowledge one’s own limits may at first seem like admitting failure. reaming this skill is a key to coping with twins and other multiples.

However. if you are experiencing persistent problems. you might want to talk to a counsellor about how to handle the stress of parenting multiples.Finding time to be alone-to rediscover oneself apart from the roles of mother.

father. wife. husband. provider. cook or housekeeper is essential in reducing emotional stress of any kind.As soon as parents and children feel comfortable being away from each other. it’s wise to arrange periods of separate time.

Perhaps parents can relieve one another. or exchange services with friends or family to get some respite time. If you can afford it. paying for childcare is well worth the cost. Allowing someone else to care for you is a well-deserved way to alleviate the stress of constant nurturing.

One mother of twins found that the relaxation of a regular massage and trip to the hairdresser made her feel “mothered.” Being waited on at home or in a restaurant can have a similar effect. Whatever the activity.

you don’t need to justify such self-nurturing when you’re meeting the double demands of multiples!Many parents of multiples say their greatest resources are flexibility. humour. endurance and. again. the ability to ask for help.

The support of friends. family. playgroups. sitters or community services can be an emotional lifeline as well as a source of physical relief. Often. just talking with other parents of twins. either informally or in a multiples support group.

provides emotional release and a chance to exchange useful tips. Even if problems differ from family to family. it’s comforting to know you’re not alone.Environmental PressuresAlthough the environmental stress of parenting multiples may be less obvious than the physical drain.

it too takes its toll. The arrival of any new baby often results in more cramped living space. increased noise and constant interruptions. Even rural serenity can close in on new parents when their nearest neighbour is 20 miles away.

But magnify these common parenting stresses by the arrival of twins or more. especially if there are other young siblings close in age. and you can see how parents can quickly feel trapped.Fortunately.

many of these stressors are controllable. You can cut down interruptions by unplugging the phone or using an answering machine during mealtimes and naps. Limit TV time or move the TV to another room if you find it irritating-don’t overexpose yourself to the world’s crises when you’re in the middle of your own.

But do choose your own time to keep up on outside events so you won’t feel entirely isolated.Some simple checks of your home can avert disasters-waiting-to happen. When toddlers are around. that dangling phone cord.

an iron left on. sharp objects and spillables are invitations to accidents and their resulting stress. One way to minimize such hazards is to make a habit of finishing one task before starting another.

In short. by controlling some of the potential stressors. you’ll increase your sense of well-being and your confidence for other challenges.Financial BurdensFinancial pressures further complicate life for parents of multiples- two or more babies simply cannot live as cheaply as one! Parents can economise.

however. by having twins share such big items as cots during early infancy. buying quality used equipment and clothing. and swapping outgrown items with other families. The financial burden cannot be completely solved by efforts to economise.

however. Parents must still buy multiples of many things. In addition. child care costs more and is hard to find. This presents a special dilemma for the woman who would like to continue a career. Although the family may desperately need a second income.

her potential income may barely justify the costs. and she is needed just as desperately at home.In such a situation. women experience tremendous conflict. Fathers need to be sensitive to these issues when the double load of mothering makes their wives feel as if they are losing out on both worlds.

Practical options in this Catch22 are difficult to come by. but realistic financial planning can sometimes reveal solutions that relieve worry. A first step before deciding to return to work is to weigh the income gain against all expenses.

including the hidden cost of stress on family members.Whether or not mothers hold paid jobs. the sharing of housework and childcare seems to be the greatest point of contention in most households. One way to make your endless unpaid labour more visible is to make up a daily list of all the household chores.

from shopping to vacuuming. to feeding the babies and walking the dog. Then either assign chores to each able family member or let them choose their own. The checklist provides a sense of accomplishment for everyone as well as a more equal distribution of labour.

One vital stress reducer is getting recognition for one’s work. regardless of its nature or whether the family roles are traditional or non-traditional. A simple “thanks for trying” to the parent on night duty goes further and accomplishes more than criticism.

even when your babies are still wailing at 3 am.In fact. showing appreciation for each other’s efforts and sensitivity to each other’s needs helps make all the other stress more bearable. At times. of course.

even the best stress-control techniques may seem of little use. As one harrassed mother remarked. “It’s hard work to relax!” Much as we might wish. there are simply no instant formulas for perfect peace of mind.

But the process of discovering what works for you and your family can transform stress into strength and trauma into triumph.Do’s and Don’t’sDo1. Talk with your mid-wife/health visitor/parenting counsellor.

2. Join a Twins & Multiples Club3. Ask for help from friends. relatives. baby-sitters. community services and other families with multiples.4. Sleep whenever you can.5. Eat well.6. Get regular exercise.

Try walking. jogging. swimming. yoga. aerobics. dancing. or anything else you enjoy.7. Take “sacred” time for yourself. on a daily or weekly basis.8. Keep expectations realistic and flexible.9.Finish one task before starting others.

10.Trust yourself.Don’t1. Isolate yourself at home.2 Blame yourself or your partner for feelings of stress.3. Try to be a Supermum. striving to cope with everything all alone.4. Sacrifice fun and enjoyment for the sake of perfect efficiency.

5. Use your “sacred time” to do chores. errands or food shopping.6. Expect your needs to be magically met without asking.7. Forget that the early days are hard but they will soon pass & things will get better.

8. Forget that you love your children10. And DON’T GIVE UP!

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and this sounds really dumb and obvious but have you got two bouncy chairs?your babies will sleep in these in the day and they are a GODSEND!!!!

aw love the names!they are gorgeous!!i used to work for Homestart and they can help with feeding your babies and to just give you a break but they cant have the babies while you have a sleep-i got offered homestart with my twins and thats the only thing i wanted help with-nipping for a kip for a couple of hours so i said i didnt want the help.

homestart can also get you a helper that has experience with twins but i know it isnt for everyone.just keep perservering with the routine-it wont look like it is working for the first couple of days/weeks but it does pay off in the end-i know we started giving our twins a warm bath at 7.

30 then a warm bottle and then bed and Ruby at least started sleeping through at 5 weeks. if you need to feed in the nighttime then keep the lighting dark then they will know it isNOTplaytime!!-keep at it you are doing a fab job and if i can do it(with absolutely no pacience)then you can xxx

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Hi Claire, Sorry, I forgot to say that I initially breast fed my 2, but after lots of problems (too many to go into) I now formula feed. It works for me, but you need to make your own decision. There’s a support group for breast feeding twins on tamba.

As for co-sleeping, yes there is evidence about it not being a good idea, but without support I wouldn’t blame you. On occasion I’ve had mine in the bed with me. You’ll no doubt get loads of advice, but remember you are their mummy and contrary to all these bloody baby gurus, you as their mummy knows best.

Go with your gut. SJx

Hi Clare When hers were little she said the only way to cope was always to feed them at the same time.

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Hi Clare I have 11 week old twins (born at 30 weeks) and a 4 year old.Firstly well done – you are doing really well.Secondly – words of advice from a great friend of mine with 4 year old twins. When hers were little she said the only way to cope was always to feed them at the same time.

I have done this (I was breastfeeding but knocked that on the head, so that others could help feed). If one wakes up I wake the other up. It is still a bit manic and I have had a couple of real downer days, but it’s going okay.

I have my mum in law 4 days a week with me, so if you want to come over, meet up or the like, please get in touch and we can come to you, meet up or whatever.

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Hello everyone = i am new here. I had my babies (twin boy and girl) nearly three weeks ago and wonder if anyone has any words of wisdom. I cant believe how hard twins are – just when I get one sorted the other one starts and when they both kick off together I am doomed! I am breastfeeding, expressing and giving formula – a bit of a mix I know but its the only way I can cope (I expect I will have to give up the breast feeding/expressing soon).

I dont have any help during the night or day so I cant be too fussy. Anyway – I am concerned that I am doing things wrong – at night the babies wake between 2 to 5 hour intervals. Is it wrong not to wake the babies if they continue to sleep through a feed at this stage? Both babies are tiny (now 5 and 6lbs).

Also, on nights when they are pulling 2 hour slots or simply wont settle between feeds – am I making a rod for my own back by putting them in bed with me? I dont want co-sleeping to be a habit for them but its easiest for me and given the additional strain that comes with feeding two, I physically cant stay awake any more hours to get through it.

Sori if this is a bit waffly – I seem to have left my brain in the hospital!

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Hi Hun I have twins, they are 3yrs now but still remember the early days. I would say the one thing I wish someone told me was that it doesn’t last forever, sound silly but I never heard that in fact at my twins club they went on about how they still didn’t get any sleep etc and there children where much older.

Also another bit of advice I was given was to always wake them together to feed at night, seemed hard sometimes as My Charlie was a much better sleeper but if I didn’t I wouldn’t have had as much sleep.

I did b/f one of them but only for 6wks as it was hard to b/f and then do the bottle for the other one, worked out a 100 times easier to bottle feed both as I would prop them on pillows and feed them like lambs ( if you see what i mean) It did feel a bit like a factory routine through the nights doing it like that but in the day I always made sure i fed one at a time in my arms to get the closeness but at night I needed it to be fast.

My two slept through 10pm -6am at 9wks so there is light at the end of the sleepless nights, and we did nothing to deserve it, I was hopeless at routine, I just made sure I put them to sleep upstairs from 2 till 4pm and we fed them at 7.

30 and then again at 9.30pm before putting them down and they did the rest. Not helpful I know but I do think children can fall into a natural routine (my kids a proof)I have just had my 3rd child, just the one this time and I have to say it’s easy peasy , I have been out and about with all 3 when baby was just a few days old and our lives haven’t really changed, it’s nothing like having twins, so you are doing an amazing job just to be typing on here I would say

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A Room for Two..a practical guide to creating your perfect Twin Nursery – Preparing your nursery for the arrival of twins is a double delight. Whether its a simple space or something more elaborate, you will want to make it a special place to welcome them.

However, although planning your nursery is exciting, it can leave you in a double dilemma. With so much to think about and big decisions to make, here I answer some of your most common questions.Should twins sleep in the same room?The Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths (FSID) recommends that babies sleep in the same room as their parents for the first six months, although not in the same bed.

They should be on their backs in the feet to foot position and settled to sleep using a soother to reduce the risks of cot death. You can visit their website – more

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Hi Claire, my names Charlie I have 4 and half month old twin girls Milly and Maddy. I too found it a strian in the beginning well to be honest even now when they go off on one. Did you have a section? I did (long story!) I started with bottle (formula) then tried breast feeding but its hard, some people get it and some dont but dont get yourself to worried if you want to stop breast feeding, I stopped and the girls are big! Maddy was 4lbs 8 and Milly was 7lb 5 now they are Maddy 13lbs shes on stage 1 and Milly is on stage 2 she is 16lbs 5!! So its done them the world of good! I have the girls in there own cots have done from when they where 5weeks really.

But its what ever feels right for you.Trust your instincts hun! Hope this makes sense but I`m a little squiffy! HaHa If you ever need a chat then e-mail me. Charlie xxx

Newborn photography could be exceptionally challenging , not solely as a result of the fashions can are typically somewhat uncooperative, but also as a result of fact they spend quite a lot of time sleeping and little or no time smiling. This text has a couple of hints and suggestions that should hopefully present you the way to photograph newborn babies and ensure that you end up with a shot that the family will need to treasure forever.

The lighting of your shot can be particularly important. You don`t wish to go exposing newborn eyes to vivid flash bulbs, so attempt to take images in circumstances which are naturally vivid when photographing newborns. Improve the ISO and exposure compensation in your digital camera in low light levels , but examine to make it possible for the image would not change into too grainy as a result.

Be sure to consider the angles at which you take your shots. It can be very easy to fall into the habit of always capturing from above, so before lengthy you may have an album stuffed with photographs wanting down on the child. Try getting down on the same degree as the newborn, and permit them to fill the complete body of your photo.

Give attention to some of the smaller aspects of their face, or on a single hand or foot to get some actually attention-grabbing macro shots. It`s often an thought to keep your camera on a continuous shooting mode, as a child `s expression can change incredibly quickly. Take a number of shots for each setup, and hopefully you will be left with one excellent one. Digital photography allows you delete any unwanted shots.

Keep in mind that these pictures are being taken to seize the second and to look again on in years to come. Think of what photographs and reminiscences you want to preserve. If there may be any item or toy that performs an necessary part of their early days, seize it. The family shot is always a favourite ; so be sure you get one among each mum and pop with the baby. Some other classic pictures to consider are ones with the baby `s hand or foot in its mom `s hand to emphasize the difference in measurement , or shots of the mother nursing seize the intimacy of the relationship.

By following these newborn photography ideas you will be able to enhance your photography skills and end up with images worth looking back on many years from now.

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